We have all heard that 50% of marriages end in divorce. It is not so high anymore but is still one of the main things we all fear when we make the commitment of marriage. I certainly won’t claim to be a relationship expert but I want to share the pieces of marriage advice that have helped me in my marriage. In hopes that someone out there will read this and it will resonate with them the way, it did with me.
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A little bit of background…
I met my husband over 10 years ago through a mutual friend. Our first date was a Sonics basketball game(we both LOVE sports) in Seattle! We moved in together after dating for like 7 months( way too fast and I was very young). After 5 years of dating, he proposed and we were married a little over a year later. Now we have 2 amazing and hilarious children together! He works and I am home, blogging away with my little ones!
The reality of being married…
I love my husband so incredibly much! As much as I love him he can drive me absolutely crazy on his best days. This man is my best friend and my worst enemy all wrapped into one. I love him and that gives him the power to affect me the most in life. If he is proud of me I feel the proudest I have ever felt if he is mad at me I feel the worst I have ever felt. I care deeply about what my husband feels towards me and about me because I love him and he is my best friend.
Marriage is not all sunshine, support, and rainbows. You are still human when you get married and as humans still imperfect. There are high highs and low lows. When you are in a low the big D word will likely invade your thoughts. You will probably compare your marriage to others and note how other husbands do things better or with more compassion than your own husband. That is just the nature of humans we compare.
Advice tip #1…
It’s really quite simple. The grass may not always be greener on the other side. Do you see friends husbands that carry their purse and rush to their side and wish your husband would do the same? Maybe it is something else that makes you compare your husband to others. While your friend’s husband looks great from your side, he is probably just as human and flawed as any man. You never know what happens behind closed doors.
Just because something gets hard or you are at an unhappy place in your marriage it does not mean you are better off without your husband or that you can find a better man. Marriage is hard! Like really hard! Also really really great and worth it! Now, of course, you should never stay in a marriage where you are being abused either physically or mentally.
In most cases, though people seek out someone who is “perfect” or better than their husband. Guess what, though? Those people are human too! They have flaws too and while those flaws may be different they will still be there.
While it may drive you crazy that your husband doesn’t do something that other men do. Remember why you love that man! Think in those times why you married that person and what is special about them .
My husband does not clean or cook but he does make me laugh, have a huge heart, is an amazing dad! I choose to love him with his flaws because he is my best friend, I love him, I chose to marry him and have a family with him. I am flawed and he loves me through all my flaws.
All I’m saying is that the grass may look green and beautiful in the neighbor’s yard but maybe that is because you can’t go play on it or have a picnic on it like you can on your side. Remember what is good about your marriage about your husband and try not to compare. You may just find that the grass on your side is pretty great when you get out of the rough patch!
Advice tip #2 (only applies if you have kids)…
This piece of advice is geared towards the moms out there. I LOVE being a mom and am very certain I was created to be Little J and P’s mommy! Having little ones around it is very easy to get lost in being a mommy. They constantly need your attention and that is okay because they are children.
However, your husband that amazing man who helped you create those babies is still there. Before the kids came along if you are anything like me than you doted on and spent all your time with your husband. Then overnight, just like that, everything changed and your little people took all the attention.
It is easy to forget about your husband when you are wrapped up in nursing, diapers, playing and all things that come with little ones. Then soccer practice, homework, and carpool. That doesn’t make it okay to forget about your husband. That amazing man who is your best friend still exists.
The advice is be a great mom but don’t forget that after those children are grown and have left the house. 18 years or so from now you will be left with a husband and he will either still be your best friend or he will be a stranger that you haven’t paid much attention to for years.
Nurture your marriage too!
It is sooooo important to remember your marriage in the middle of being a mom. Find a sitter and plan regular date nights. Reconnect with your husband on a daily basis by spending some quality time together. It can be as simple as cuddling on the couch watching a show you like or calling during lunch break to say I love you.
What has worked great for us is to get away for a weekend. Sometimes to a local hotel or sometimes on a “just us” vacation. Ask you family for help with the kids and if you don’t have family nearby then find a trusted nanny or sitter. If your budget won’t allow for things like that then get creative and plan some special nights in that mix things up a bit.
Just think 18 years down the line if you had been put on the back burner all that time how you would feel. So be an amazing mom! Just don’t forget to be a great wife too!
Share with me! What is the best marriage advice you have ever received? How do you reconnect with your hubby and still be a great mom at the same time