I have to start this by telling you that I am not a relationship or love expert. I am happily married to my best friend and we have been together for a decade and married for going on 5 years. What I can tell you is that I LOVE, love. It’s such a fulfilling feeling to love and to be loved.
Disclaimer: I am not a Doctor, Lawyer or Financial Advisor. All posts are my opinions and things that have worked well in my life. Please consult a professional for advice.
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I wish it looked the way it did in movies! That would only make it even more amazing in my book. There are some moments when your heart swells and it does feel like a movie(maybe the perfect music isn’t playing in the background at that exact time, though). Usually, there are a lot of everyday moments that end up capturing your heart(like when he wipes the babies face off or picks out our little girls clothes).
Why I’m sharing with you…
I was recently asked for relationship advice and my first thought was oh goodness why are you asking me this? Then I took a step back and thought maybe I do have something to share. I’m in love and I’m married to my best friend and we still like each other(most days)!
So, today I wanted to tell you what is working in my relationship. Maybe it’s something you have overlooked or are out of practice in using in your own relationship. Or maybe you are great at it too. Either way, I wanted to share because I think it is worth it if it helps one other couple out there find their groove or love each other.
The 4 relationship tools that are working for us…
1. Open Communication – My husband and I have a great line of open communication. If you happen to watch the Kardashians you’ll know they have a saying “bible,” it is something they say to let the other person know it is true and they are serious. One day early in our relationship, we had this random talk about trust and honesty between us. It ended up being that if either of us says that a squirrel talked to us, then we will give the other person the benefit of the doubt and believe them. So our thing is “squirrels talk.” If I need to say something that I need my hubby to know is true, honest and calls for his attention I will say “squirrels talk.”
So my advice to you is to get in the habit of talking. To find your special words to tell your significant other that you need their attention and that it is important to you. Don’t bottle it all up. Also, don’t use these special words for every little thing. These words are intended for the things that are important. So if someone forgot to take the garbage out it is not the end of the world. If someone said something that really hurt you, that’s the time to use those words. Use them as a tool but don’t take advantage of them.
2. Not Judging – If something is bothering us then we talk about it. When we do talk about it, we try to pull back the judgment and just accept that the other person feels that way. Even though I may think it’s ridiculous that he feels a certain way or vice versa, it doesn’t take away that one of us does feel that way. So we say it out loud and ask the other to listen and accept how we feel and then we move on. With the other person’s feelings in mind, we move forward to not try to make them feel that way again.
3. We speak each other’s Love Languages – The 5 Love Languages is a great book that helps couples figure out how to show love to each other. Not everyone feels love the same way as each other. This book has really helped us to know and understand how each other feel love. I really recommend reading it first and then taking the online quiz with your spouse. When you both take the quiz you have to be sure to answer the questions with your true feelings not with how you think you should respond or how you think your spouse would want you to respond. Doing it privately and separately is probably a good idea.
4. Give Love – Once you know how to give love to each other, in a way it will be received, make it something your do with intention. Schedule reminders in your phone or write a note to remember. Love your spouse the way they feel love. Do it often. Knowing how to love your spouse also gives you the power to withhold that form of love when you are angry with one another. Don’t do that in your relationship! Talk about it if it is important, ask politely for a change if it is something that constantly keeps bothering you. Don’t stop giving the love your spouse craves. That will only drive you apart. Often times I find that giving love even when I am upset about something will cause a change in my husband. He feels love from me and makes a shift in his actions and his feelings towards me.
There you have it! My secret weapons for a great and loving relationship! Well…most of the time anyways! I hope that these tools will help you in your relationship and will serve as tools for open and honest communication in your relationship.
Relationships are hard, easy, great, crappy, all-consuming, draining, amazing, wonderful and so many other things. What I do know is that they take work! If you love someone then every minute you both put into your relationship is worth it!
Now it’s your turn! Please share with me what is working in your relationship? I love to hear from you all about your life and what really works for you! If you loved this advice and it’s working in your marriage please come back and share! I want this to be a place of resource and community for women and moms to come together and share! So please, add a comment and join my little community here : )